Going from 1 to 2 (or even more) kids: How to manage the transition
Twin mum tips for parenting 3 under 2. Screen time, laughter, self-care and what actually helps when you're outnumbered. No guilt included.
"Parenting just keeps humbling you whether you like it or not."
When I fell pregnant for the second time, I honestly thought I’d have a better handle on parenting. I’d experienced all the things. Pregnancy, the scans, the tests, the hip pain, birthing a tiny human, breastfeeding said tiny human, nappies, bottles, weaning, the works. I remember thinking, “Okay, I know what I’m doing now. I’m basically a professional.”
That level of confidence was cute.
Because that’s the thing about parenting. Just when you feel like you finally have a handle on something, you are very quickly and often abruptly brought back down to reality. Humbled. Again and again. It keeps you grounded whether you like it or not.
At 8 weeks pregnant, walking into my second ultrasound appointment, I felt prepared because I knew what to expect. Or so I thought. I went on my own this time, excited and anxious to see my baby again and how much they had grown since the first scan two weeks prior.
I was calm. Confident. Seasoned.
About ten minutes into the appointment, as the ultrasound tech was taking the final measurements, she gasped and said, “Oh my goodness, I have to tell you that you have two babies in there.”
Two.
Cue utter shock. Tears. Hysterical laughing for the rest of the appointment. I lay there staring at the screen thinking surely she was joking.
She was not joking.
I walked out in a complete daze and immediately called my husband and told him he needed to sit down. He thought something was wrong. I said, “No, no, everyone’s fine. There’s just… two of them.” Silence. Followed by nervous laughter. Followed by both of us realising our lives were about to change in a very big way.
I can tell you right now, I was definitely not prepared for that.
Being thrust into life with three under two has not been for the faint of heart. It has stretched me in ways I didn’t even know were possible. But along the way, I’ve learned a few things that have helped me in the transition. Not because I have it all figured out. I really don’t. I’m in it with you, just trying to survive and find the good in it where I can, even on the messy days.
Here's What's Actually Helping
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Technology is not the enemy (no matter what your Aunt Karen says.)
Do what you need to do, mama. If that means putting Ms Rachel on the TV because you need to cook dinner, eat lunch, or just go to the toilet alone, please do it. Forget the “technology is bad” rhetoric or judgy Aunt Karen’s no screentime rules and just do what you need to do.
It does not make you a bad parent. It makes you a human who also has basic needs. Go to the bathroom in peace. Eat your lunch before it gets cold. Take the five minutes. We are playing the long game here, and a little bit of screen time so you can breathe is not going to undo all your good work.
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Surrender to the chaos and laugh to get you by
I know. This one makes me want to roll my eyes at myself too. But hear me out.
My husband and I have a habit of laughing when the 4pm craziness hits in our house. You know that time of day when everyone is tired, cranky, and needs to be in bed immediately.
The witching hour when you find yourself whispering “wtf is happening right now” under your breath.
In those moments, a slightly unhinged laugh can honestly shift the mood. Sometimes it’s either laugh or cry, and laughing together reminds us that we’re on the same team. The chaos feels a little lighter when you’re not fighting it so hard.
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Get outside, even if it feels like the hardest thing to do
The hardest thing I’ve found with multiple kids is the logistics of leaving the house. Getting two babies and a toddler into the car without losing your mind should genuinely be considered an Olympic sport.
It can feel so daunting. The packing, the strapping in, the inevitable nappy change as soon as you’re ready to leave. But I cannot tell you how many times a simple walk has reset my entire day. Being stuck inside the four walls of the house can make everything feel heavier. Fresh air and a change of scenery can be like turning it off and back on again.
Bonus points if the outing includes a sneaky coffee run, because caffeine is basically a food group at this stage.
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Have something that’s just for YOU
Being a mum is the best job I’ve ever had, but if it were a regular job it would absolutely break every workplace law. The list of tasks in a day, the lack of breaks, the tiny humans needing you at all hours. It really is a 24/7 role.
It is so easy to put yourself at the bottom of the to do list. I do it all the time. So this is your gentle reminder, and mine too, to build one small thing into your day that is just for you. Maybe it’s doing your skincare in peace. Maybe it’s a morning walk. Maybe it’s putting on your headphones and listening to your favourite podcast while you tidy up. Or even just putting on your favourite outfit. There is something about feeling good in what you’re wearing that can genuinely transform your entire morning. It sounds simple, but when you feel a little bit more like you, everything feels that tiny bit lighter.
It doesn’t need to be big or time consuming. It just needs to be yours. One small way to fill your own cup can make such a difference when you’re pouring into everyone else all day long.
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Go easy on yourself
It is okay to not feel like you are smashing it every second of every day. Parenting multiple kids is hard. Really hard. Whether you have two, three, four or seven kids, there will be moments when you are solo and outnumbered. When everyone is losing their tiny minds. When dinner ends up on the floor and the whole house feels like complete chaos.
Take a deep breath. Accept that this is hard. Put one foot in front of the other.If the kids have yogurt for dinner, it is okay. If the dishwasher needs unloading and you have forgotten about the washing in the machine for the third day running, yes it’s a bit gross, but it is okay. You are keeping multiple humans alive and loved. That is no small thing.
Give yourself some credit for the chaos you are surviving. You are doing so much better than you think you are. And if today felt messy and loud and overwhelming, you are not alone. We are all just figuring this out as we go.
